Before I forget what it was like...

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with Caleb, I started a journal chronicling my entire pregnancy experience. By the end I had pages and pages of entries, full of pregnancy symptoms and hopes and dreams for my little boy.

Yeah, that was when I had time.

Now I have three kids 5, 4, and 2...and every time I get on the computer when they are awake, I have two kids fighting for my lap (which mind you doesn't really exist) and probably both of them shouting for me to find something else to look at on the Internet.

But I do feel bad that I don't really have much written down about this pregnancy to give to my son one day. My father (the fourth and last child in his family) frequently reminds me how his parents have his toddler days and high school track meets on the same film reel. So here I go...a blog entry, which I hope will be able to suffice.

I have to admit that I love having children, I just don't particularly look forward to the pregnancy part. At one point with Caleb I was clutching the toilet and promising myself that I'd never do this again. With Matthew, while I grieved at missing the first year with him, I never really got that emotional that I didn't carry him in my womb. And with Kristina, I nearly went into a depression when I found out that I was pregnant, fearing the ills of the first trimester at the same time I had a new baby at home (who among other things needed major surgery.) And she didn't "disappoint", I was sick much worse than Caleb, and not until week 19 was I beyond getting sick every day.

However, I always wanted another baby. I just had to psych myself out for it. I really worried at how good of a mother I would be if I was sick all the time with three kids at home. I knew it would be worth the sickness, but it isn't always easy to remember than when you are kneeling in front of your toilet with toddlers climbing on your back.

God, though, was so merciful. I made a few changes, including taking a multivitamin without iron and scheduling 2 hours every afternoon for a nap. Those things, along with the grace of God, made this by far the best pregnancy I've ever had. I had a few moments of nausea, but usually at 10 pm where I could easily just fall asleep. This blessing was so wonderful...I really felt that God knew what I could and couldn't take, and He just was gracious.

I have been able to carry on nearly all my scheduled commitments throughout the year, which has been great. I slowed down on everything I could in April, but that was just because I was too darn big.

Speaking of big, I gained 51 lbs with Caleb, but only 30 with Kristina. Maybe its a boy thing, but I'm certainly around 40 right now and feel every bit of it. I really don't want to think about how long it will take me to lose this weight...probably a couple years.

Around April I began to experience pelvic pain. My hormones apparently make my pelvic joints really loosen up which makes walking and general movement very uncomfortable. I'm all for having a loose pelvis for that baby to slide through, but really, I don't need it five months in advance! Sometimes the pain was so bad, it felt like I had landed off a one story building with a balance beam between my legs. And I just need Advil!!! But no, no such pain reliever for preggos! Tylenol doesn't do squat!

At one point in early May, I could not even sit down. At church I had to stand the whole time, and at home, I could only lie on my side. At this point, I decided I needed help, and thanks to a great physical therapist, I was able to all but cure the pain associated with sitting.

Depending on my activity level, I still (at 35 weeks) have days of severe pain, but other days that are very livable. And fortunately, the amount of discomfort hasn't gotten too much worse every week. And I can improve my symptoms by simply staying off my feet for a while.

My favorite new benefit, though, was getting a referral for massages from my midwife. My insurance covers all but $12 of a weekly massage, which I have been enjoying for at least 6 weeks now. I love Tuesdays when I have an hour of luxury...and at least for a few hours afterward, I'm really completely pain free.

So overall, the third trimester has been the hardest with this pregnancy, but still, it has been very doable. I think experience has taught me not to be too hard on myself if all I get done are the dishes and mostly keep up with the laundry. Mike and I have been much better at communicating, so I feel a lot more support from him. And the kids are much older this time round than when I was pregnant with Kristina (I had Caleb, 3, Colton, 2, and Matthew, 1).

I am so glad to be at the homestretch of this pregnancy. I technically have 4 weeks left, but I've never made it past 38 weeks, and if I have any say in it, this guy is getting evicted on the day I hit 37 weeks and he's full-term. 'Sides 6-8-10 is a cool birthday. I've been getting more contractions than I remember with either of the other two, so something tells me he will make an early June entrance, but just cause I said that, he'll be cozy inside on the Fourth of July.

I'm starting to get a bit frustrated at times at how little I'm able to accomplish and how exhausting simple tasks like cleaning the kitchen have become. But I am trying to "allow" myself to slow down and not feel guilty for not being super-mom.

At this point, I am very excited at the prospect of sleeping on my belly, having a glass of champagne, and being able to take some Advil. However, I am mostly just excited to see my son. I can't wait to hold ______ in my arms and tell him that I'm his mommy. I wonder if he'll look more Vietnamese or American. Will he really be the big boy that I think he's got to be? I love the birth experience, and I can't wait to have the thrill of holding him, nursing him, and just cuddling his little body.

I can't wait to see the reaction of his brothers and sister when they see him for the first time. The boys are so much older now than they were with Kristina, and well, Kristina is a girl and just adores babies already.

I am so excited to be this little boy's mommy. I pray for him that he will grow to know and love the Lord, and I have a real peace that this child will be a testimony of God's power. I am just giddy to think of him entering our lives. I have always wanted four children (and wanted them in 2004, 2006, 2008, and 2010), and so I feel a real sense of completeness in this arrival.

Now, I just need to wait until the time is here for him to make his entrance. It isn't easy to wait, but this is the last time (likely) that I'll be pregnant, so I'm intent on enjoying this time, knowing that, once I have him here, time will fly by all to quickly.

I hope he knows that I love him, and I've loved being pregnant with him. He has already been a blessing to me, and I will never forget how privileged I am to be entrusted with his care. I love you, ______.

p.s. Before I forget, I should not fail to mention that I have craved fruit like never before during this pregnancy. Especially pineapple & strawberries (thank you Costco). Favorite thing is to make chocolate fondue and enjoy an episode of Lost after the kiddos go to bed. Fruit smoothies have also become immensely popular in our house. Yum...